Look here’s the situation; Parker’s a Cool Kid, a smart kid, and a great friend. Not just that, but he’s been responsible for me meeting other people who have also become really close, great friends (I’m not going to even say their names though, because this is about Parker.)  SO with that out of the way, I’m going to begin by commenting on Parker’s music taste. Which is bomb. He’s not even that much of a music snob, he’s just really good at finding cool, sometimes underappreciated artists, which is also a benefit to me because then if I want music recommendations I know who to turn to. Also, big Beatles fan. Secondly, Parker just radiates confidence. Like, it’s not even fair. Think of it this way. Have you ever woken up one day and just not felt very confident and instead just kind of down? Well, Parker got that confidence, and when you meet him you’ll get that confidence back and more. That’s the glory of knowing Parker.

In my first week of school, I had very few friends. Thanks to Parker, I now have more.  Close friend Ivy Dubiner says “On the record, I love Parker. I mean really, he’s the best.” Ivy went on to explain that he’s just one of those people that can strike up a conversation with anyone. “He writes me limericks, it’s sick” Ivy said, concluding the interview. Ivy’s father, David Dubiner, A.K.A. The Dube, has the same opinion on Mr. Burrows, describing him as interesting, funny, and a nice guy. “I’m not accustomed to being around teenage boys who actually have something to say.” Mr. Dube comments.  

“Parker is someone who isn’t easily overwhelmed and he just really know how it be.” Zai says, one of Parkers friends and fellow Creative Writers. Benny says “Parker’s a man of principle, he would never stoop to the level of salmon poetry”. Our resident ghost JP says “He’s easy to make fun of but doesn’t take it too seriously. He’s a lovable guy who is very huggable.” And Award Winning Poet Jessica Schott-Rosenfield says “Ugg, Parker. What a frustratingly stand-up guy.”

Parker gained affection, and rare affection at that, from very aloof theatre kid Lau. “Tall hair.” she says. “He got it.” Clearly, Parker is well-liked dude. So well liked, in fact, that a senior has some high praise to speak of him. “He’s like the most earnest person I’ve ever met,” Huckleberry Shelf says, “and he’s shockingly cultured for someone just out of eight grade.”

Parker Burrows is a fun guy (but he’s not a mushroom) and you will be lucky if you ever meet him.

Sofi Orkin, class of 2022