Why Facing Your Problems Isn’t Always the Answer (Advice for Really Specific Situations)

by Kwesi (’15)

Recently, I’ve been told that I have to “be mature” and “face my problems” instead of running away from them. And while I do believe in
confrontation
and honesty
and communication
in many cases, I think that this quest for constant resolution has more to do with an inability to deal with loose ends than its practicality.
We are not honest, and it’s silly to pretend that we are. In order to solve problems, we have to face elements of ourselves that are at fault or create tension. We are not prepared for total honesty, and until it is achieved by our actions as a society, it has no place here.
Communication is important, and I am not advocating the elimination of it. And it’s important to try and be as honest as possible in every aspect of your life, because it’s generally a more enjoyable existence. But you can’t bring truth to a situation built on lies, because it’s unlikely that anyone will want to own up to their share of responsibility.
Talk, but know that silence can be just as valid in terms of resolution. When every party involved understands and recognizes the problem, voicing it may not be the answer, and is more likely to fuel to the flames. Do not use “resolution” as justification for yet another passive-aggressive attack or attempt to confuse the other party.
Do stuff that feels right. I’d bet that you can tell when your next move’s totally freakin’ dirty, and I’d advise you against it, ‘cos it’s so not worth it.
And never feel the obligation to fulfill some societal expectation of manners or conduct if it feels wrong. Some things are just antiquated or inapplicable, and as the person in the midst of all this hellfire, you are the only judge of what defines the right thing to do.
You have control of yourself, and no one else (hopefully). But yourself’s a lot, so do some good stuff with it.
Please.

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